I once heard, “Every girl needs a pair of red shoes.”

The day of my first drum lesson I was SO nervous!  Leading up to that day I had been fantasizing about being able to rock the old drum set I had recently acquired from my dad, but reality brought such an onslaught of fear and trepidation that somehow didn’t accompany the fun-filled fantasy.

Prior to that, my psyche was stuffed full of excitement, anticipation, and confidence in my desire to take on the challenge of a new instrument. I was ready!…and then…suddenly…I wasn’t. What am I thinking?  Why am I doing this? I’m in my late thirties and I have five kids!  Who does stuff like this? Should I really be spending money on myself this way?  I don’t have the time for this! I’ve never drummed before in my life! People will think I’m the biggest joke when they know what I’m doing!  Will the instructor think I’m a joke, too? Like I’m even going to be any good anyways!

Okay, SLAM the brakes!!

That was getting a bit ridiculous!  Yes, I was nervous, but why the destructive thoughts? It’s interesting that so much of what we experience in life is colored so vividly by what we choose to tell ourselves about the world around us.  One minute I believed in myself, and the next I didn’t at all! What had changed?? Absolutely nothing, other than my mind. Quieting the inner chatter and learning to trust in our initial promptings, impressions, and decisions can be difficult, but that trust can also be wildly empowering.  I must admit, however, sometimes that inner trust needs just a little push from an external source. I didn’t really want to show up late for my first lesson, and I really didn’t want to show up as a hot mess either!  Looking for that spunk I felt when inspired to adventure into drumming in the first place, I grabbed my pair of vintage red sneakers and headed out the door.  As I pulled up to the Music Village in Riverdale, Utah, I still had an over abundance of butterflies, but as I glimpsed flashes of red on my feet, my heart took courage.

Shoes are funny that way!  Simply changing what’s on your feet can change what’s in your head, and that day I needed confidence.  Fortunately I found it in my footwear! I know, I know, lasting change comes from the inside out, it’s true, but until then, I’ll just keep sporting my red shoes.

***As a side note; isn’t it ironic? (Don’t ya think), that now when I play, I take my shoes off.  Turns out I like socks!***

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One thing is for certain when you go off the deep end…you’re going to get wet!

I was at the market the other day near the produce when I ran into an acquaintance of mine.  She excitedly stopped me to chat about my band she had just seen for the first time, and I was flattered that she would take the time to share how much she enjoyed our performance.  As we continued in conversation she also expressed her feelings, with the best of intentions, that while different types of interests are nice distractions, a woman needs to be careful.  Too much of it and she will just go off the deep end!

(Let’s pause now for that awkward moment when you’re not quite sure what to say next).

“Well, it’s a good thing I know how to swim,” is what I didn’t say out loud.  I simply smiled, thanked her, then asked how her family was doing.

Hmmm…yeah…so…

According to collinsdictionary.com, “If you say someone has gone off the deep end, you mean that their mind has stopped working in a normal way and their behavior has become very strange as a result.”

I suppose my friend was right!  How happy I am to have a mind that has stopped working normally and has caused me to behave in such a strange manner!  Apparently, playing rock music with women where you’re actually heard and seen is bizarre!! How lucky I feel to be swimming in this so called “deep end” that enhances and enriches life experiences for me and the band and our families!

I shared the experience with my bandmates and we had a good laugh, but it also prompted discussion on the different types of boxes we place others in, or the stereotypes we throw at each other, and how we react when we see people breaking out of them.  And in truth, that’s one of my favorite things about being a part of this band! Creating a different set of experiences for ourselves that we LOVE, and sharing them with other people. For some, it feels uncomfortable to see women living their lives “out of the box,” and for others, it inspires them to go out and pursue whatever it is that brings them joy.

The deep end is thrilling, but it’s true, you need to learn how to swim or you just sink to the bottom.  I’ve received many compliments and many criticisms for doing what I do, and what I’ve learned is while some of that feels fabulous and some of it feels downright terrible, neither of them can be the why for making decisions.  Keeping myself focused on what is right for me and my family, and not so much for other people, is what keeps me afloat and gives me the ability to navigate the endless sea of choice, opinion, and following my heart.

So jump in!  Take the plunge!  Go swimming! What awaits is always a surprise, but it’s worth it to get wet!

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